Common Mistakes We Make When Trying To Heal

Healing from experiences that had an impact on how we navigate life and ourselves is a process. So mistakes are expected. In fact, I’m not sure if they should be called mistakes, they should be called lessons. This didn’t work, what should I do? Or I should have known better, why did I do that? Usually when these “mistakes” happen, we come down hard on ourselves and that’s a normal reaction. Accepting our mistakes as lessons and not failures is a mental practice process; meaning, it has to continue to occur so our minds can be trained to look at the benefits instead of the barriers. These mistakes may look different for everyone because we don’t all heal the same and the affects of what we went through affects us differently. What I mean is, the way you choose to deal with harm may not be the same as when I deal with harm. For example, I might cling to people because of abandonment issues and you may push people away for the same reasons because you want to hurt them before they hurt you.

WE TRY TO DO IT ON OUR OWN some of us are guilty of this, once we realize we need to heal from harm we assume we can do it alone but sometimes we need help. While I’m not against prayer, I hear this often “all you have to do is pray.” I believe in prayer but sometimes we need something in addition to prayer. Also, sometimes we pray for help and when our prayer for help is answered in the form of a person or advice we dismiss it. Just try to remember that help comes in all forms. Prayers aren’t always answered overnight.

WE GIVE UP BECAUSE IT’S TOO HARD “change takes time” should be the motto of my blog because I use this phrase often. Healing takes time and it’s not easy. I believe it was in last week’s blog when I said the process of healing requires undoing years of issues that we have grown to rely on as a crutch to get us through life. Unfortunately going through life like this is not healthy but if we are lucky enough to build the awareness around healing from harm, I think the first thing we have to be cognizant of is, it’s not going to be easy.

WE THINK BARRIERS MEAN THINGS WILL NEVER CHANGE as soon as we hit a block in the road we think we are doomed to stay the way we are and not change. This is definitely a very negative way of thinking and it’s also not realistic because there is never not a roadblock in life. No one sails smoothly through life, even if they’re not healing from something. Barriers and adversities is how we grow and learn, and it’s set up to better equip us for issues we face in the future. Barriers aren’t a sign for us to stop, it’s set up as a hurdle for us to get over.

WE THINK ACKNOWLEDGING THAT WE NEED HELP IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS the first thought that came to mind when I wrote that was those memes I see online that says “check on your strong friends, we are not okay.” Forgive me for saying this if you fall in this category but I really hate that meme because “strong” people are usually not willing to admit when they need help even though they clearly do (the meme is case and point of this). It’s not healthy nor was it meant for us to go through life doing everything on our own because no one is that strong. Asking for help does not make us weak, it’s a sign of strength, it’s a sign that you’re trying, and it’s a sign that you value others opinion not just your own. During your healing process if you feel you need help ask for it. You are likely not an expert in healing so you will need help along the way, preferably from someone who has the knowledge and skills to help you heal.

Be patient with your process and as difficult as it may be, be receptive to all you encounter along the way, they are pieces you can add to your story when you talk about how you healed from harm. What may seem or feel like hell, is actually the metamorphosis of the new you; think of it as the caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I’m aware that this is a lot to take in and I know you won’t read this once and suddenly become the person I’m describing in this blog. Use this post as a resource and start thinking about these tips and how it may help you while you’re working on healing.

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Published by tam33ks

I have a long history with mental illness. Overcoming depression made me realize my own resilience. It also made it clear that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I believe that in order for us to fully engage with ourselves and others we have to make time for self-love through our self-care habits. My goal with this blog is to encourage women in my age group to make time for self-care daily.

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