Once we gain the awareness and start on the path towards healing, one of the questions we ask ourselves is “where do I start?” Healing is a process and it takes time, if you choose to jump in without guidance or structure you can easily fall back on the same path. In last week’s post I made it clear that I wasn’t a mental health professional, I’m simply sharing information based on my opinion. The steps I’m choosing to share may not be accurate, they might not be in the correct order, and they might be just a few out of the many steps you will need to take to heal. If you are on the path to healing I suggest reaching out to a mental health professional for more details and information with the healing process.
Steps are a very structured process and usually when I’m in a situation that involves steps, I assume I can’t move forward until I complete the previous step (this is true in most cases). I sometimes feel confined when I have to follow such a strict set of rules but steps also bring forth order and alleviate chaos. When we solve problems using a steps system it helps to keep us on track (especially if something throws us off our journey), it helps to see progress, and it acts as a road map to help you see your end results. As mentioned previously, I am almost positive that there are more than four steps to help you on your path towards healing, consider this list a foundation or a starting point.
STEP ONE: The Awareness–gaining awareness comes in many different forms but I think the most common is when people tell us things we don’t want to hear (especially if you hear it from multiple people). If more than one person is pointing out your issues, then you’re likely the common denominator. The challenge here is most of us don’t like it when someone points out behavior(s) that we prefer to keep in the dark. Our knee jerk response is to rely on denial or quickly make yourself the victim in the situation. Without awareness nothing gets solved. It’s difficult but embrace your dirty laundry once you gain that awareness.
STEP TWO: Determine the Root Cause–this might require therapy. Based on personal experience, some of (if not most or all) our problems stems from our childhood–the time in our lives when we are impressionable and vulnerable. The things that were said to us and the things we were exposed to, determine the treatment we accept from others and how we treat others. I don’t feel comfortable explaining beyond this point because again I am not a professional. If you’re interested in learning more I suggest speaking to someone who’s a mental health professional or close to it.
STEP THREE: Implement the Tools–depending on how you choose to get your information, you will likely be given tools to help you along this journey. It’s IMPERATIVE that you put these tools to work. Healing doesn’t work unless you do the work. The tools may vary because I’m assuming it’s based on the person’s specific situation, your professional’s personal method to help with the healing process, and what they think will work for you based on what they know about your personality as a client.
STEP FOUR: Be Patient and Extend Grace–because you will probably fall short a million times during this process. I don’t know anyone who can go straight through without temporarily falling back into their old ways, get frustrated because this won’t be easy, or even forget they are on the path to heal. What matters most is not giving up and getting right back on track.
While working on the forth step I had a fifth step that I was going to title “bonus” and I completely forgot what it was lol. I’m aware that these steps aren’t really steps you can do without a professional (but maybe you can). I do believe that in order for it to be effective it’s best to speak to someone who has experience in this field. Healing can be life long so even if you complete all the steps or feel like you have things under control, please remember that at any moment you can fall back into old habits even if it’s temporary. Sometimes when this happens we beat ourselves up because “we know better”. I think the “know better” mindset makes us forget that we are human and are capable of making mistakes. When this happens, always go back to step four…extend grace. Always extend grace and be patient with your healing.
- Instagram: @selfcareatforty
- Twitter: @playingblogger and @naturaldo
- Pinterest: @tam33ks