Why It’s Hard For Us To Heal

Happy October to those who only read my blog post on Wellness Wednesdays. After giving it some thought and weighing the pros and cons I decided to focus on Healing for the month of October. This topic is kind of risky because I am not a mental health professional so I have to be certain that anything I post on this topic will not sound like I’m giving professional advice. Just like all my past blog post, I am merely sharing information and if anything I share piques your interest, I suggest you seek help from someone in the mental health field.

The word healing has been thrown around a lot lately and it’s showing up in places where it’s not traditionally discussed; one example is the workplace. I hear it (or phrases like it) often; “heal from harm” “create a safe space” and “healing spaces.” But it’s not surprising, we take who we are everywhere we go, even in professional settings. While we may act professionally and hide our feelings; if they are hurt, we feel it and it affects us when someone causes harm. Being harmed has an impact on our behavior, especially if it happens repeatedly. Even though some of us may feel or think “we’re okay,” that harm is still affecting us and it may show up in unlikely ways. Some examples could be: feeling or being stressed often, anxiety, not sleeping well at night, getting easily irritated or angry, and verbal abuse towards others and ourselves. The list goes on. There are a lot of people who aren’t aware that they need to heal from some form of harm and here are a few reasons why I think it can be difficult.

LACK OF AWARENESS I just said it. There are a lot of us who are unaware that we are harmed because it’s so deeply engrained in who we are or it’s all we know. I think when this occurs, there’s a chance it may have started during our upbringing and trickled over into adulthood. When something becomes a large part of who we are, it can be difficult to heal from it. Some people who fall in this category will blame the victim instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. I’ve known people like this, and in my opinion it’s a dangerous position to be in. If this describes you, do some soul searching and take a hard look at yourself. If you think it will help, seek therapy. There’s no shame in getting help.

UNDOING YEARS OF HARM even if you know you need to heal or you are in the process of healing, it can take years because you’re undoing something that took years to form. When this happens you have to be patient with yourself. You also have to think before you react and you have to consider the other person’s feelings in addition to your own. Create healthy boundaries with yourself and with others, especially if the person(s) who harmed you is still in your life.

WE FEAR VULNERABILITY this is the main one. A LOT of people fear being vulnerable. I think vulnerability is similar to being nude, because we don’t usually like to be naked in front of people, especially people we dont know. Vulnerability is beautiful but I know it can be hard. I have no problems being vulnerable but it can be draining and has caused discomfort because of some truths I’ve learned about myself. Believe it or not, the vulnerability process can be very healing.

Keep in mind that this is a process. After realizing you’ve been harmed you won’t have it all figured out right away. It will take time to wrap your mind around this new information. Furthermore, the healing process will require a lot of unlearning. For example, if you were told to turn left your entire life and now you have to turn right, it’s going to feel unfamiliar and scary. The unknown can be really scary hence the reason it’s so easy for us to fall back into old habits. The things we’ve grown accustomed to is familiar, its’ comfortable, and it’s what we know. I think having the awareness is what helps us because it sets the foundation for the path towards healing.

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Published by tam33ks

I have a long history with mental illness. Overcoming depression made me realize my own resilience. It also made it clear that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I believe that in order for us to fully engage with ourselves and others we have to make time for self-love through our self-care habits. My goal with this blog is to encourage women in my age group to make time for self-care daily.

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