In my opinion, one of the hardest things in life is wishing things would have worked out differently when it doesn’t work out in our favor. This is due in large part to the benefits of the outcome we already created in our minds. It can create an internal challenge when things don’t work out the way we planned. We often feel rejected and defeated. Even when we accept the outcome, we still struggle with being okay with the consequences that we didn’t predict or expect to happen. It’s amazing how we can let something like that control how we feel to such an extent. For some of us the alternative is so hard to accept, that we would go to great lengths to try and produce the outcome that we desire. It’s as if the way things worked out was, and is not an option by any means. Even when the outcome is an obvious blessing in disguise, we still fight for the outcome we were expecting. Does any of this sound familiar? If you have to fight for the results you wanted, then it probably wasn’t meant for you. Notice I said probably, probably is the operative word here, because there are some things worth fighting for, we just have to learn the difference. If you read last week’s post you’d know that for the month of January I’m focusing on Acceptance. Last week I talked about self acceptance and this week I want us to focus on accepting what is.
Accepting what is, what does that mean? Accepting what is, is essentially surrendering to the outcome you received instead of emotionally retaliating because you didn’t get the outcome you expected. When you accept what is, you make room to grow as a person, you become more flexible, and you open yourself to other opportunities. Accepting what is, is not a sign of settling, (even if it feels like it), there’s always a lesson there. Things will never always work out the way we want it to. And as DIFFICULT as it may be, we have to accept that. We all struggle with this at times, I know I have. I hate it when I have my heart set on something and it doesn’t turn out the way that I wanted it to. The one thing I’ve learned from that experience is, even if we expect a certain outcome, we always have to keep the alternative in the back of our mind because it may very well become our reality. One tip that has helped me along the way was to change my mindset. Start saying this to yourself “this just means something better is around the corner” or “maybe it really wasn’t meant for me.” There’s a reason why things don’t always work out, everything we want isn’t always meant for us. That mindset has allowed me to push myself and work harder for the next opportunity that came my way.
Our struggle with accepting what is stems from feeling rejected. No one likes rejection because it makes us question our capabilities. I say this because we accept what is when things work out in our favor but when it doesn’t, it causes an internal riot. Think about that. Rejection can feel like a form of abuse and can cause stress and sometimes trigger our anxiety. But what we can’t control we have to accept simply because there’s no other choice. With this in mind, we have to learn how to adjust our approach and change our mindset by implementing the following affirmations:
- Accept that everything happens for a reason–focus on the lessons and put less energy into what you’re unable to change.
- Never go into any situation with a one track mind–be open and receptive to all possibilities because the decisions, options and consequences we deal with in life are multifaceted.
- Rejection is not a reflection of who you are—rejection can build strength, use it to your advantage. We’ve been program to deal with its disadvantage.
- Don’t let rejection define you–you’re still the same person despite the outcome. And rejection is not an adjective it’s an action.
- Shift your focus when things don’t work out to your advantage—don’t feel defeated. Feel empowered. Use this shift as fuel.
- Find joy in the alternative–there’s good in every opportunity.
This doesn’t mean you should always settle. I said it earlier, we have to learn the difference between fighting for something and just letting it be, by accepting what is. You can still be who you are while simultaneously growing into being more mentally and emotionally equipped to handle adversities, rejection, and disappointments. The point is, the alternative is not always worth it, think about the internal turmoil you’re causing yourself by putting your energy into fighting for something that you didn’t get. And in some cases, the fight wasn’t worth it. Sometimes you get what you want and it still wasn’t worth it. We really have to allow the universe to take control and lead us where we are meant to be, even if it doesn’t make sense to us in that moment. Everything that we experience in life shapes us into who we are, we shouldn’t disrupt that process. Think of accepting what is, as a building block that’s molding you into being a better version of yourself because acceptance is the gateway towards growth, progress, strength, and resilience.
These aren’t changes that occur overnight so if you’re not already comfortable with accepting life as it comes your way, be patient with yourself as you develop this new mindset and way of thinking. The goal is to always move in the direction of healthy change while understanding that change always takes time. Work on building the awareness around accepting life as it comes, regardless of what that may look like. Being receptive is key. And be open to the push back you may feel when trying to adjust to this new mindset and way of thinking. What has your experience been like with accepting life as is when presented to you?